Coming out... a sensitive issue (in more ways than one, I'd say).
The first person with whom I openly discussed my sexual orientation was Mother, almost three years ago. She was busy cooking in the kitchen and I was helping her slice the vegetables (with a little more brutality than was necessary! XD) when I simply felt as if I was on the verge of an explosion if I didn't say or do
something.
So I had her sit down and told her. She... was quite shocked, to say the least and even after several hours looked as if she were ready to burst into tears at the slightest touch. She kept assuring me that everything was fine, that it wasn't a problem, but I could see the truth clearly in her eyes. She was heartbroken. And I was left feeling lower than dirt - both for what I was and for the fact that I had dared to dump such a crushing weight onto her already overworked shoulders. Frankly, I hated myself then.
After a few months of avoiding the issue, she came up to me and asked -- with such a vibrant spark of hope in her voice! -- if it had all been nothing more than a passing teenage phase. And I said
yes. Because I couldn't bear to hurt her a second time, I preferred to lie through my teeth and be alone in my knowledge once more.
The next people to know where two best friends, two years ago - one of whom even became my girlfriend for the next nine months (the relationship finally broke off because she simply couldn't stand doing almost everything in paranoiac secrecy and in fear of being discovered, hidden away in dark, dank corners).
Finally, another discussion with Mother came about two weeks ago, when I
finally decided to pull my damn head out of the sand and publicly assume my sexual orientation by participating in Romania's fifth
Gay Pride Parade. Naturally, she wanted to know why I was so adamant about participating and I had to tell her again - and beg for her forgiveness for any pain that I had caused her. In the end, she accepted it all - with a rather sad smile - and told me that I was still her child, no matter what.
Now the next bastion to be conquered is Father. He already knowns, I think, but is waiting for me to feel comfortable enough in approaching him - which I feel rather hesitant about. Although the two of us have always been very close, he's never hid his ironic disdain towards the
LGBT community (whose members he considers promiscuous, vulgar and socially unacceptable).
I have a hard case ahead of me, I think!
