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Am I gay?

Welcome to GayTeenForums.org! Many members come here asking for insight into their own sexuality. Perhaps you have recently had thoughts, dreams, or feelings about someone of the same sex. Perhaps you've been involved in sexual acts with a peer of the same gender.

First off, understand, WE DO NOT KNOW IF YOU ARE GAY. The only person who can tell you if you are gay is YOU. We could analyze your stories day in and day out but we could never tell you something only you can know. Please note; labels are not clear cut and definitions of terms like bisexual vary from person to person. We are not a debates forum here to discuss the exact meaning of such words and threads which encourage people arguing this issue will be locked. As long as the scope of the post is narrow enough to be in context with your unique situation it is acceptable, however, it is a slippery slope towards a broader discussion and a resulting thread lock.



How do I know if I'm gay?

You may not know what to call your sexual feelings. You don't have to rush and decide how to label yourself right now. Our sexual identities develop over time. Most adolescent boys are intensely sexual during the years around puberty (usually between 11 and 15 years old), when their bodies start changing and their hormones are flowing in new ways. Your sexual feelings may be so strong that they are not directed toward particular persons or situations, but seem to emerge without cause. As you get older you will figure out who you are really attracted to.

Boys with truly gay feelings find that, over time, their attractions to boys and men get more and more clearly focused. You may find yourself falling in love with your classmates or maybe developing a crush on a particular adult man. You may find these experiences pleasurable, troubling, or a mix of the two. By age 16 or 17 many gay kids start thinking about what to call themselves, while others prefer to wait.


If you think you might be gay, ask yourself:

When I dream or fantasize sexually, is it about boys or girls?
Have I ever had a crush or been in love with a boy or a man?
Do I feel different than other guys?
Are my feelings for boys and men true and clear?

If you cannot answer these questions now, don't worry. You will be more sure in time. You and only you know how to label yourself correctly.


GAY MEN

I THINK I MIGHT BE GAY ... NOW WHAT DO I DO?
A Brochure for Young Men--Information for gay youth and young men questioning their sexuality

What does it mean to be gay?
Men who call themselves gay are sexually attracted to and fall in love with other men. Their sexual feelings toward men are normal and natural for them. These feelings emerge when they are boys and the feelings continue into adulthood. Although some gay men may also be attracted to women, they usually say that their feelings for men are stronger and more important to them.

We know that about one out of ten people in the world is gay or lesbian (lesbians are women who are attracted to other women). This means that in any large group of people, there are usually several gay people present. However, you cannot tell if someone is gay or not unless he or she wants you to know. Gay people blend right in with other people. But they often feel different from other people.

Gay teenagers may not be able to specify just why they feel different. All of the guys they know seem to be attracted to girls, so they don't know where they fit in. And, they may not feel comfortable talking with an adult about their feelings.


How do I know if I'm gay?

"I don't remember exactly when I first knew I was gay, but I do remember that the thought of sex with men always excited me"--Alan, age 19.

"I never had any real attraction towards women, but I really knew that I was gay when puberty began. I felt an attraction toward the other boys and I was curious to find out what they were like"--James, age 17.

"One day I was flipping through a magazine, there was a cute guy, and bam! I knew"--Antonio, age 16.

You may not know what to call your sexual feelings. You don't have to rush and decide how to label yourself right now. Our sexual identities develop over time. Most adolescent boys are intensely sexual during the years around puberty (usually between 11 and 15 years old), when their bodies start changing and their hormones are flowing in new ways. Your sexual feelings may be so strong that they are not directed toward particular persons or situations, but seem to emerge without cause. As you get older you will figure out who you are really attracted to.

Boys with truly gay feelings find that, over time, their attractions to boys and men get more and more clearly focused. You may find yourself falling in love with your classmates or maybe developing a crush on a particular adult man. You may find these experiences pleasurable, troubling, or a mix of the two. By age 16 or 17 many gay kids start thinking about what to call themselves, while others prefer to wait.


If you think you might be gay, ask yourself:
When I dream or fantasize sexually, is it about boys or girls?
Have I ever had a crush or been in love with a boy or a man?
Do I feel different than other guys?
Are my feelings for boys and men true and clear?

If you cannot answer these questions now, don't worry. You will be more sure in time. You and only you know how to label yourself correctly.


Making contact
So, you may be ready to find out more. Start by reading. If you feel comfortable, ask the librarian in the "Young Adult" section of your public library. Librarians are usually glad to help. If your library does not have much on sexuality you may want to check out the "GAY" section of a large bookstore, or possibly order books and other material through the mail. Please note that not all books about gay people are supportive.

Try calling a gay hotline. Most major cities have one. You may want to call from a phone booth for privacy. They will let you talk about your feelings and will direct you to organizations that help gay people. There may even be a gay youth group in your area. Some helpful resources are listed further in this post, including a toll-free national hotline.

Remember, gay people are out there, wherever you are. Trust your instincts. Sooner or later you will meet someone who feels some of the same things you do.


"When I first met another gay person, I felt excited, anxious, nervous and happy. There was an indescribable relief to know that I was not alone, that there was someone else like me. It was also intimidating, not knowing what to expect, but I quickly loosened up and felt relaxed" -- Nathan, age 18.

"When I first made contact with another gay man, I felt a tremendous relief. I couldn't believe I had made a connection. I felt happy but also scared. I felt that I could do or say anything and not worry about it"--Alan, age 19.

"When I first met another gay person, it was incredible, refreshing, reassuring, touching, awesome, and wonderful"--James, age 17.


Will I ever have sex?
Naturally, you think about finding an outlet for your sexual feelings. Becoming a healthy sexual person is part of the coming out process. You may be scared at the prospect of having sex. This is normal for everyone. No one should start having sex until they are ready. Until then, you may choose to masturbate or fantasize.

Sex should only happen between mature individuals who care about each other. You will know when the time is right.

We all choose to have sex in different ways, whether we are gay or straight. Gay men choose from a wide range of sexual practices, including masturbation (either alone or with another person), oral sex, anal intercourse, kissing, hugging, massage, wrestling, holding hands, cuddling or anything else that appeals to both partners. You are in complete control over what you do sexually and with whom.

• What about AIDS?

All sexually active people need to be aware of AIDS as well as other sexually transmitted diseases. Being gay does not give you AIDS, but certain sexual practices and certain drug use behaviors can put you at risk for catching the virus that causes AIDS. AIDS is incurable, but is preventable.

Here's how to reduce your risk of getting AIDS:

• Do not shoot up drugs. Sharing needles is the most dangerous behavior in terms of getting AIDS.
• Avoid anal intercourse or other direct anal contact. Anal intercourse transmits the virus very efficiently. If you do engage in anal sex, use a condom every time.
• Use condoms whenever you engage in anal or oral sex (or vaginal sex if you have sex with women). You should choose latex condoms that are fresh and undamaged. Store them away from heat (your wallet is not a good pl ace to keep them). Use a condom only once. Try to choose condoms with "reservoir tips", and be sure to squeeze out the air from the tip as you put it on. Hold on to the condom as you remove your penis; sometimes they slip off after sex.
• Choose sexual activities that do not involve intercourse: hugging, kissing, talking, massaging, wrestling or masturbating (on unbroken skin).

Learning to like yourself
"I had to reject a lot of negative heterosexual and religious programming that made me feel lousy about myself as a gay person. I began to like myself by meeting other gay people and going to a gay support group. After that I was content with myself"--Bill, age 18.

"My aunt is a lesbian, and she made it clear to me, before I even knew I was gay, that being gay was OK"--Antonio, age 16.

"I accepted the facts, which means that I don't deny being gay and I don't pretend to be someone I'm not"--Alan, age 19.

It's not easy to discover that you are gay. Our society makes it very clear what it thinks of gay people. We all hear the terrible jokes, the hurtful stereotypes and the wrong ideas that circulate about gay people. People tend to hate or fear what they don't understand. Some people hate lesbians and gay men. Many people are uncomfortable being around lesbians and gay men.

It's no wonder that you might choose to hide your gay feelings from others. You might even be tempted to hide them from yourself.

You may wonder if you are normal. Perhaps you worry about people finding out about you. Maybe you avoid other kids who might be gay because of what people will think. Working this hard to conceal your thoughts and feelings is called being in the closet. It is a painful and lonely place to be, even if you stay there in order to survive.

It takes a lot of energy to deny your feelings, and it can be costly. You may have tried using alcohol or other drugs to numb yourself against these thoughts. You may have considered suicide. If so, please consult the phone book for the Samaritans or other hotline. There are alternatives to denying your very valuable feelings. Check out the resources listed further in the post.


Who should I tell?
"I only tell other people that I'm gay if I've known them for a long time and if they are accepting and tolerant. I think it's important that they know about this special part of me"--Bill, age 18.

"Since I'm normal, I don't have to hide how I feel. But you should make sure that you are comfortable with your preference before you blurt it out to just anyone"--Nathan, age 19.

"I tell people that I'm gay if I know that they won't reject me, will accept me for what I am, and won't try to 'straighten' me out. I test them, I suppose, then I judge if I want to risk telling them"--James, age 17.

More and more gay kids are learning to feel better about themselves. As you start to listen to your deepest feelings and learn more about what it means to be gay you will begin to be comfortable with your sexuality. This is the process called coming out.

The first step in coming out is to tell yourself that you are gay and say, "That's OK." Later you may want to tell someone else--someone you trust to be understanding and sympathetic. You might choose a friend or an adult. You will probably want to meet other gay kids for friendship or a more intimate relationship. Some gay kids are able to come out to their families. You need to decide whether or not to tell your family, and to choose the right time. Lots of people, including parents, simply don't understand gay people and are difficult to come out to. In the beginning, be cautious about whom you tell.

But it is crucial to be honest with yourself. Just as self-denial costs you, coming out pays off. Most kids who accept their sexuality say they feel calmer, happier and more confident.


"No matter what people say, you are normal. God created you, and you were made in this [sic] image. If you are non-religious, you were born and you have a purpose, and being gay is only part of it"--Nathan, age 19.

"Stand up for what you believe in, and don't listen to what hatemongers have to say. Stay proud and confident"--James, age 17.


Books
One Teenager in Ten: Writings by Gay and Lesbian Youth, ed. Ann Heron, Alyson Publications, 40 Plympton Street, Boston, MA 02118 (1983).

Young, Gay and Proud, a resource book for gay and lesbian youth, also published by Alyson Publications.

Beyond Acceptance: Parents of Lesbian and Gay Children Talk About Their Experiences, McAllister, Wirth and Wirth, Prentice-Hall, 1986.

Toll-free Hotlines

GLB Teen Hotline: 1-800-347-TEEN(Weekend Nights Only)

U.S. Public Health Service AIDS Hotline: 1-800-342-2437 (1-800-342-AIDS).

National Runaway Switchboard: 1-800-621-4000.

Local Gay Organizations
Check the white pages of your telephone book under "gay" or "lesbian." Especially look for hotlines, counseling agencies and youth groups.


LESBIANS

I THINK I MIGHT BE A LESBIAN ... NOW WHAT DO I DO?
A Brochure for Young Women Information written by lesbian youth for lesbian youth and young women questioning their sexuality

What does it mean to be a lesbian?
Lesbians are women-loving-women. We are women who are sexually attracted to other women. We are women who may feel emotionally and spiritually closer to women. We are women who prefer women as our partners.

As lesbians, we are not alone. One out of ten teenagers is lesbian or gay. Many famous women in history were lesbians. Lesbians are teachers, doctors, lawyers, factory workers, police officers, politicians, ministers, movie stars, artists, mothers, nuns, truck drivers, models, novelists. You name it, we do it.

Lesbians are White, Black, Asian, Hispanic, Native American, Jewish, Catholic, Protestant, Buddhist. Lesbians are rich, poor, working class, and middle class. Some lesbians are in heterosexual marriages. Some lesbians are disabled. Lesbians are young women and old women. You name it, we are it.

Lesbians live in cities and in the country. We are everywhere.(The bold was my own personal flourish. -- Kendra )


How do I know if I'm a lesbian?

"When I was young I always wanted to grow up and live with my best girlfriend, and that feeling never changed as I got older"--Tammy, age 17.

"When we're really young, we have crushes on girls, but then we're supposed to grow out of it. We're supposed to read books about how girl meets boy and boy meets girl. Well, I'd never finish those books" -- Terryle, age 16.

During adolescence, most young women begin to be aware of sexual feelings and take an interest in dating. Many young women feel physically attracted to men. But many other young women feel physically attracted to other women.

You may notice that you feel turned on by other women. You may feel different from your girlfriends, like you don't fit in sometimes. When your girlfriends are checking out boys, you may find yourself checking out girls. Going out with boys may not interest you. You may find yourself wondering, "Why aren't there any men like these terrific women I keep meeting?"

You may also feel confused or unsure about whether or not you're a lesbian. Many adults will tell us that we're too young to call ourselves gay, or that we're going through a phase, or that we don't know what we're talking about. That's their way of avoiding the fact that some of us are lesbian youth.

You may feel confused because you're attracted to both men and women. That's OK. Some women have relationships with both men and women throughout their lives. Some may later decide to be exclusively lesbian or heterosexual.

Our sexuality develops over time. Don't worry if you aren't sure.


Am I normal?
"We're told that it's sick, or perverted, or sinful, or abnormal. But the people who tell us that are the same ones who say that women belong in the kitchen, and that Black people are inferior, and that handicapped people are useless. Who's to say what's normal? Some people think eating raw fish is normal, and other people think it's disgusting and abnormal"--Terryle, age 16.

"I think we're very brave to have recognized this in ourselves and to have wanted to come to terms with it"--Natalie, age 18.

Yes, you are normal. It's perfectly natural for people to be attracted to members of their own sex. But it's not something that's encouraged in our society. Many people push away these feelings because of prejudice against gay men and lesbians.

Most scientific experts agree that a person's sexual orientation is determined at a very young age, maybe even at birth.

It's normal and healthy to be yourself, whether you're gay or straight. What's really important is that we learn to like ourselves.


What is it like to be young and lesbian?
"I feel very powerful, special, independent, strong, and courageous" -Natalie, age 18.

"It's scary sometimes. I've felt very unsure of myself. But other times I feel wonderful and proud"--Terryle, age 16.

There's no "right" way or "wrong" way to be a lesbian. Because of society's stereotypes about lesbians that we've all grown up with, you might think you have to be a certain way if you're a lesbian. But lesbians come in all shapes and sizes, from all occupations, and with all levels of education.

Your sexual orientation is only one part of who you are. You probably have hobbies and interests that are the same as your straight friends.

Because of homophobia and prejudice, some people don't accept lesbians and gay men. Lesbians and gay men suffer from discrimination and violence. That's why there are many gay and lesbian organizations that work for gay and lesbian civil rights.

"Once I accepted myself and my sexuality, I found that I became more involved in life with my friends because I was more comfortable with myself"--Tammi, age 18.

"I feel down and depressed a lot because of the homophobia that I'm constantly up against, but then I realize that I have the power to educate other members of my generation"--Tammy, age 17.


Who should I tell?
"You shouldn't feel pressured to tell anyone at all until you are comfortable with the idea of being a lesbian yourself. Be prepared that people's reactions will vary"--Tammi, age 18.

"Only tell someone if you feel you have enough support to face what may happen. Try to tell someone if you think you can't deal with these feelings alone anymore. If you think your family might flip out, tell someone who might be more impartial"--Sarah, age 19.

"When I told a couple of my friends, I told them I was no different now than I was five minutes before I told them, except that now I wasn't keeping a big secret from them"--Terryle, age 16.

Coming out is the process of accepting yourself as a lesbian and figuring out how open you want to be about your sexual orientation.

Unfortunately, not everyone you know will think that being a lesbian is the greatest thing since sliced bread. It's hard to know who can handle the information and give you support. Some friends may accept you. Some may turn away from you or tell other people without your permission. Telling family can be very difficult. Some families are very supportive. But some lesbian and gay youth have been kicked out of their homes when their parents found out.

Maybe there's a guidance counselor or social worker in your school, or in a local youth or counseling agency, that you can trust. It's important to have someone to talk to because it's not normal or healthy for young people to have to keep secret such an important part of their lives.


What about sex?
"First I would ask myself if I felt ready. Then I would talk to my partner to see if she felt ready. When you decide to have sex, it feels good when you've made the right decision. Only you can know when it is and isn't right for you to have sex" -- Tammi, age 18.

"Just because you're turned on to someone doesn't mean you're ready to have sex. You have to feel emotionally ready. It's important that the two people talk about what they like and don't like. No one should have to do something they don't want to do. There's no need to rush things. It'll come in time" -- Terryle, age 16.

Deciding whether or not to be sexual with someone is a big decision. You may feel very scared at the thought of having sex with another women. That's OK. Lots of us do, especially if it's our first time.

Women aren't encouraged in our society to talk openly about sex, but it's important that we communicate about what we like and don't like to do sexually, whether we feel ready to have sex or not, and different expectations we may have about the relationship. And it's important to talk about whether we're at risk for HIV, the virus that is thought to cause AIDS, or other sexually transmitted diseases, like herpes.

There are many ways that lesbians can be sexual with each other. We can give each other pleasure by holding, kissing, hugging, stroking, stimulating each other's genitals with our tongues and hands, inserting our fingers into each other's vaginas, rubbing our bodies together to stimulate each other, and anything else we want to do. We can use our imaginations!


Do I have to worry about AIDS?
All of us should know about HIV, the virus believed to be the cause of AIDS -- how it's transmitted and how we can prevent ourselves from becoming infected. You and your partner should discuss your risk factors for HIV infection and decide what, if any, safer sex methods you should use.

Lesbians who are at risk are those who:

• Share needles if using IV drugs.
• Have vaginal intercourse with men without using condoms. (It's fairly common for young lesbians to occasionally have sexual contact with men.)
• Have oral sex with an infected women without the use of a barrier to protect against infected vaginal secretions or menstrual blood.

Safer sex for lesbians includes:

• Use of a dental dam for oral-vaginal and oral-anal stimulation. A dental dam is a piece of latex about 5 inches square designed for use in dental surgery. They are available at dental or medical supply stores.
• Use of surgical gloves when sticking your fingers into your partner's vagina or ass, especially if you have tiny cuts or rashes on your hands.
  
  And all the other wonderful things that lesbians do together.

How do we learn to like ourselves?
"It's important that we don't deny our feelings. If we be who we truly want to be in our hearts, we can be surprised at how happy we can be. And we should think a lot about all our positive points, and being a lesbian is very positive" -- Rebecca, age 16.

"It helps me to interact with people who make me feel happy and good about myself. And I try to do things I feel good about doing" -Sarah, age 19.

All people have a right to feel good about themselves. We're all valuable human beings. Developing self-esteem is very important for young people. It's hard for gay and lesbian youth to feel good about ourselves because all around us are people who believe that we're sick, or perverted, or destined to live very unhappy lives.

When we feel like we have to hide who we really are, it can make us feel like hurting ourselves, like through alcohol, drugs, or suicide. We may feel very isolated, fearful, and depressed, especially if we've had no one to talk to about the fact that we're lesbians.

More and more, we, as young lesbians, are learning to like who we are. It helps to read good books about lesbians -- books that have accurate information in them and that are written about lesbians who are leading very fulfilling lives. It also helps to meet other lesbians because then we find out that lesbians are as diverse as any other group of people and that we've been told a lot of lies by our society.

It can help to say to yourself every day, "I'm a lesbian and I'm OK." And try to find someone to talk to who also believes that lesbians are OK. Remember: it's normal and natural to be a lesbian, just like it's normal and natural for some people to be heterosexual.


How can I meet other lesbians?
"There are many lesbians around you, but you don't know they're lesbians, just as they don't know that you're a lesbian. Don't lose hope. You'll eventually meet some" -- Sarah, age 19.

Make contact with local feminist organizations like the National Organization for Women (NOW).
Many colleges and universities have campus gay, lesbian, and feminist organizations.
Check your phone book for a local hotline and ask for the gay and lesbian organizations in your area [ed note: or check OutProud]. There might even be a gay/lesbian youth group in your area.
Look for a gay/lesbian or feminist newspaper in your area. Check local bookstores, health food stores, and gay bars for copies.
Contact the resources listed later in this post.

Books
One Teenager in Ten: Writings by Gay and Lesbian Youth, ed. Ann Heron, Alyson Publications, 40 Plympton Street, Boston, MA 02118 (1983).

Young, Gay and Proud, a resource book for gay and lesbian youth, also published by Alyson Publications.

The New Our Bodies, Ourselves, Boston's Women's Health Book Collective, Simon & Schuster, Inc. (1984). Contains a great chapter on lesbian life and relationships.

Lesbian Connection, a monthly newsletter available from Helen Diner Memorial Women's Center, Ambitious Amazons, P.O. Box 811, East Lansing, Michigan 48826.

Our Right to Love: A Lesbian Resource Book, ed. Ginny Vida, Prentice-Hall, Inc. (1978).

This Bridge Called My Back: Writings by Radical Women of Color, eds. Cherrie Moraga and Gloria Anzaldua, Kitchen Table: Women of Color Press, P.O. Box 908, Latham, New York 12110-0908 (1981).

Lesbian Sex, by JoAnn Loulan, Spinsters/Aunt Lute, P.O. Box 410687, San Francisco, CA 94141 (1984).

Nice Jewish Girls: A Lesbian Anthology, ed. Evelyn Torton Beck, The Crossing Press (1982).


Toll-free Hotlines
[NOTE: The following numbers were in service as of June 13, 1991.]

U.S. Public Health Service AIDS Hotline: 1-800-342-2437 (1-800-342-AIDS).

National Runaway Switchboard: 1-800-621-4000.

Local Gay Organizations
Check the white pages of your telephone book under "gay" or "lesbian." Especially look for hotlines, counseling agencies and youth groups. Family planning agencies and women's health centers may also be good places to look for support.

This brochure was written by Tammy, Tammi, Terryle, Camelia, Michelle, Natalie, Rebecca, and Sarah, members of OUTRIGHT, the Portland, Maine, Alliance of Lesbian and Gay Youth, with help from Diane, their advisor. Produced and distributed by The Campaign to End Homophobia. The Campaign is a network of people who work to end homophobia through information sharing and education which celebrates diversity, promotes love and support, and provides alternatives to oppression.

Organizations and individuals are free to reprint and distribute this brochure with written permission from The Campaign to End Homophobia. Write to us at P.O. Box 819, Cambridge, MA 02139.

Contributions to the Campaign, to defray the costs of developing and distributing this material, are welcome.

-------------The Above Info From PlanetOut.com -------------

BE YOURSELF
QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS FOR
GAY, LESBIAN AND BISEXUAL YOUTH


PARENTS, FAMILIES & FRIENDS OF LESBIANS AND GAYS

Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, Inc. is a support, education, and advocacy organization. Founded in 1981 by 25 parents, PFLAG now represents more than 30,000 families - and speaks for thousands of others. PFLAG affiliates are located in more than 340 communities in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico, and 11 other countries. PFLAG is a tax-exempt, nonprofit organization that is not affiliated with any political or religious institution.



OUR MISSION STATEMENT

Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays promotes the health and well-being of gay, lesbian, and bisexual persons, their families, and friends through: support, to cope with an adverse society; education, to enlighten an ill-informed public; and advocacy, to end discrimination and to secure equal civil rights. PFLAG provides opportunity for dialogue about sexual orientation and acts to create a society that is healthy and respectful of human diversity.



INTRODUCTION

The world can be a tough place for a teenager. You're in one of the most confusing times of your life.

For one thing, your body is changing more than it will at any other time. And your hormones, hard at work changing your body, can be playing around with your moods. You may feel great one day and miserable the next, for no clear reason.

The rules are changing. You're expected to act more and more like an adult. You may have new adult responsibilities like volunteer work or a part-time job, but you might not be given adult rights, like coming home at whatever time you want.

Your relationship with your parents is changing. You're becoming more independent, and they're having to accept that you're not their little girl or boy any more. That's not easy for either of you.

And all of a sudden, something you didn't think about a few years ago - sex - might feel like the most important thing in the world.

If you're a gay, lesbian, or bisexual teenager - or if you think you might be gay or wonder if you are - it's even more confusing, because probably no one ever prepared you for that.

When you were younger, your parents and relatives may have teased you about liking girls if you're a guy, or guys if you're a girl. Maybe they talked about "when you grow up and start dating" or "when you fall in love and get married." But they probably never talked about when you grow up and fall in love with another guy, or about marrying a woman just like you.

TV, movies, and magazines all mostly show men with women. The music you hear is about falling in love with the opposite sex. If you're a guy, your friends are probably talking about girls, and if you're a girl, they're talking about guys.

All of that makes things hard if you're gay, because you don't have much that relates to you.

This booklet was written to try to help you - to answer some of your questions, to suggest books you can read and people to whom you can talk - and to help you understand three things:

• One: Being gay, lesbian, or bisexual is a normal and healthy way to be. It's one more part of who you are - like being tall or short, or black or white or Asian or Latino.
• Two: It takes time to know who you are. It's okay to be confused, it's okay to be unsure whether you're gay or straight, and it's okay to take your time finding out. There's no need to rush.
• Three: You're not alone. Right now, there are tens of thousands of other teenagers, all thinking they're gay or wondering if they're gay, all wondering if they're the only one, all trying to find someone to talk to about it. Hundreds of thousands more, however, have already traveled that road.

One of them or another helpful person will be on the other end of the line if you call any of the numbers at the back of this book. They're people with whom you can talk openly, compare notes, and ask advice.

The questions other teens have had about being gay shape this booklet. We hope it will help you find your own answers.


DEFINITIONS USED IN THIS BOOKLET

Heterosexual, or straight, refers to people whose sexual and romantic feelings are mostly for the opposite gender: Men who are attracted to women, and women who are attracted to men.

Homosexual, or gay, refers to people whose sexual and romantic feelings are mostly for the same gender: Men who are attracted to men, and women who are attracted to women.

Lesbian refers to women who are homosexual.

Bisexual or bi refers to people whose sexual and romantic feelings are for both genders.

In this booklet, the word gay is used to include homosexuals and bisexuals, male and female.


I THINK I MIGHT BE GAY. BUT WHAT IF I DON'T KNOW FOR SURE?

THE SHORT ANSWER: You'll know when you know. It could take a while, and there's no need to rush.

Some gay people say that, from the time they were very young - even just five or six - they "felt different." They didn't share the grade-school crushes about which friends talked, or they had crushes on friends of their own sex-and no one seemed to be talking about that.

Often, they say, it took a while to put a name to their feelings - to begin to think of themselves as gay, or lesbian, or bisexual. But when they started thinking in those words, it made sense - it fit with the feelings they'd had growing up.

Many other people, though, don't begin to figure out their sexual orientation until they're teenagers or even adults - and it can be confusing.

At some point, almost everybody gets a "crush" on someone of the same sex, like a great teacher or a friend's older sister or brother. Almost everybody's "best friend" is of the same sex. But none of that means you're gay.

One or two sexual experiences with someone of the same sex may not mean you're gay, either - just as one or two sexual experiences with someone of the opposite sex may not mean you're straight. Many gay people have some sexual experiences with the opposite gender, and many straight people have some sexual experiences with their own gender.

It's important to know, too, that you can be a virgin or not be sexually active and still know that you're gay. Your feelings and your emotional and physical attractions will help tell you who you are.

Our sexuality develops over time. Only worry if you aren't sure. The teen years are a time of figuring out what works for you, and crushes and experimentation are often part of that. Over time, you'll find that you're drawn mostly to men or to women - or to both - and you'll know then. You don't have to label yourself today.

If you think you're gay, lesbian, or bisexual, don't be afraid of it, and don't hide your feelings from yourself. All that does is keep you from figuring out your sexual identity - from figuring yourself out.


I DON'T SEE ANYTHING THAT SAYS OTHER PEOPLE ARE GAY. AM I THE ONLY ONE?

THE SHORT ANSWER: No.

Dr. Alfred Kinsey, the world's best-known sex researcher, concluded from his research that almost nobody is purely straight or purely gay. He found that most people have some attraction to the same sex during their lives, and that many people have some sexual experiences with the same sex, or with both sexes.

Think of it as a range, or "sexual continuum." At one end of the range are many people who are attracted only to the same sex. At another end of the range are many people who are attracted only to the opposite sex. And in between are people who are attracted to both sexes.

So wherever you are on that continuum, you've got plenty of company. Some estimates say that one of every ten people is gay.

There are gay people all around you - you just can't always tell who they are. They're white, black, Asian, Hispanic, and Native American. They're Jewish, Catholic, Protestant, and Buddhist. They're old and young, rich and poor. They're doctors and nurses, construction workers, teachers and students, secretaries, ministers and rabbis, store clerks, mechanics, business people, police officers, politicians, and athletes.

And when they were teenagers, most of them probably felt the same way you do. If you get to feeling you're all by yourself, just remember: singer k.d. lang probably felt that way too. And Elton John. And tennis star Martina Navratilova. And Congressman Gerry Studds. And thousands and thousands of other people.


IS IT NORMAL TO BE GAY?

THE SHORT ANSWER: Yes. Being gay is as natural, normal, and healthy as being straight.

No one knows exactly how human sexual orientation - gay or straight - is determined. Most experts think it's a matter of genetics, biology, and environment - that a person's sexual orientation could be set before birth or as early as two or three years old.

Dr. Richard Pillard, a psychiatrist at Boston University School of Medicine, points out that homosexuality exists "in virtually every animal species that has been exhaustively studied." Homosexuality is as much a part of nature as heterosexuality.

Not only is it as natural, it's as healthy to be gay as to be straight - no matter what some people might tell you. The American Psychiatric Association declared in 1973 that homosexuality is not a mental disorder or disease, and the American Psychological Association says that it would be unethical to try to change a gay person's sexual orientation.

Many other people besides scientists, psychologists, and psychiatrists now understand that, too, Ann Landers, the advice columnist, recently wrote: "It never ceases to amaze me that in this day and age, so many people fail to understand that homosexuality is not a lifestyle that is chosen. That 'choice' was made at birth."

So if you're wondering why you're gay, the answer is that some people are gay and some people are straight just as some people have blue eyes and some people have brown eyes. It's not something that anybody can choose to be or not to be. It's just one more piece of who you are.


I THOUGHT GAY PEOPLE ACT CERTAIN WAYS.
IF I DON'T FIT A STEREOTYPE, AM I STILL GAY?

THE SHORT ANSWER: Ignore the stereotypes. Some people fit them, some don't. Be yourself.

Gay people, like straights, act all kinds of ways. Stereotypes arise out of ignorance and prejudice. Sometimes a stereotype about a group doesn't fit anyone in that group. Sometimes it fits a few people, sometimes more. But a stereotype never fits everyone in any group.

For example, you might hear that gay men are "effeminate." Well, for just a few recent examples that show how ridiculous and untrue that statement is - what about Dave Kopay, who played NFL football for 10 years, or Olympic gold medalist diver Greg Louganis? Both men are gay - along with many other famous athletes. What about the openly gay police officers in major cities? What about Joe Steffan, one of the most decorated Navy cadets of the last few years? And what about Bob Jackson-Paris, former Mr. Universe?

You'll also probably hear about transvestites and transsexuals. Transvestites are people who like to dress like members of the opposite sex. Most transvestites are actually straight. Transsexuals are people who want to change their gender through surgery, and then live their lives just like any other man or woman. Being gay doesn't make you a transvestite or a transsexual, and being a transvestite or transsexual doesn't make you gay. (For more information on transgendered people, ask the organizations in the resources directory of this booklet for referrals.)

Some people react to stereotypes by trying to act just the opposite. Some straight males who aren't sure of their sexuality may act super macho, as do some gay men who are afraid of being identified as gay, or "outed." Some lesbian women act very feminine for the same reason.

Remember - you don't need to prove anything to anybody. Just be yourself.


DO I NEED TO WORRY ABOUT HIV and AIDS?

THE SHORT ANSWER: Everybody has to be informed about HIV and AIDS.

Being young doesn't protect you from getting AIDS. A lot of people in their 20s and 30s who are dying from AIDS today became infected when they were teenagers. It's not who you are - gay or straight, male or female, black or white - but what you do that puts you at risk for HIV infection.

AIDS is a disease caused by a virus. That virus, named HIV, destroys the body's immune system, making a person susceptible to fatal illnesses or infections. There is no known cure, and there is no vaccine that prevents AIDS.

There are three main ways you can become infected with HIV: (1) by having unprotected sex with an infected person; (2) by sharing drug needles or syringes with an infected person; or (3) an infected woman can pass the virus to her baby during pregnancy or birth.

Also, you can't judge by appearances whether someone has the HIV virus or not. The virus can be inactive as long as ten years. Someone who appears healthy could still be infected.

You can protect yourself, though. Do not share needles or syringes. If you are shooting or using street drugs, seek professional help from a local clinic. The one sure way to avoid HIV infection through sex is not to have sex. And gay or straight, it you are sexually active, learn about "safer sex" to protect yourself. Some safer sex practices include using latex condoms or dental dams to stop the HIV virus.

It is not within the scope of this booklet, however, to give a complete overview of HIV/AIDS and safer sex. For more information, contact one of the organizations or AIDS hotlines in the resources list.


WILL I BE ACCEPTED?

THE SHORT ANSWER: Some people will accept you and some won't.

Prejudice and discrimination are everywhere in America, and around the world. There's prejudice against blacks, against women, against older people, against any group you can name. Women weren't allowed to vote in the United States until the early 1900s because our society thought they weren't smart enough. While the Suffragette movement - and later the women's movement - helped to change that kind of thinking, women still encounter discrimination on the job, on the streets, in politics, and in the home. It takes time to overcome prejudice and change attitudes.

If you're gay, you're going to run into prejudice. Our society has a "heterosexual assumption." We're taught - by our families, our schools, our religions, and the media - to assume that everyone is straight, and we're often influenced to discriminate against those who aren't. That "assumption" has begun to change only recently.

The prejudice you run into could be fairly mild, like people assuming you're straight when you're not, and embarrassing you with their mistake. But it could be much worse. Gays are at risk to be beaten up, kicked out of their homes, and fired from their jobs - just for being gay. People often fear what they don't understand, and hate what they fear. That's the basis of prejudice and, when it's aimed at gays, it's called "homophobia."

Homophobia is being challenged, however, as more and more people are learning that being gay is as normal and healthy as being straight. Attitudes are starting to change partly because gay people - like women, Jews, and blacks did before them - are beginning to stand up and say, "I'm gay and I'm proud." Attitudes are changing also because other people are standing up with gays to say, "These gay people are my friends, or my children, or my brothers - and I'm proud of them."


I FEEL SO ALONE. WHO CAN I TALK TO?

THE SHORT ANSWER: If you feel alone, you are alone - and you don't need to be. There are people out there who can help. Unless their parents have been very open with them about sex, most teenagers can feel guilty and ashamed of any sexual feelings and experiences, straight or gay. Some adults have a hard time with their sexual thoughts, so it's not surprising that teenagers do, too.

On top of that, it's not easy to discover that you are gay. The prejudice that exists in our society can make you want to hide the way you feel, even from yourself. And that can make you feel isolated and all alone.

The best thing you can do is find someone to talk to that you can trust.

Maybe that's someone you already know - a friend, parent, brother or sister ... or a friend's parent or older brother or sister. Maybe it's an adult to whom you confided in the past, whom you know you can trust again.

But, right now, until you're comfortable and happy with yourself, avoid talking with anyone who you think might judge you or anyone who might be anti-gay. You could possibly check out people's reactions by bringing up the subject of homosexuality in general. Ask questions like: "I saw a TV show about being gay. Do you know any gay people?" or "Some kids in school were making fun of a kid they think is gay. Don't you think that's wrong?" or "I heard about a kid who is gay and whose parents threw her out of the house. Why would they do that?"

When you ask questions like this, however, you have to realize that people's responses aren't personal comments about you. They don't know the real intent of your questions. They might have negative comments about gay people in this situation, but respond very differently about you being gay.

If you don't know anyone with whom you're comfortable talking, who will be supportive and understanding, start by calling one of the hotline numbers or organizations listed in the back of this brochure. You can talk to a teenager or an adult. You don't have to give your name, and they won't try to talk you into or out of anything.

If you don't feel ready to talk with someone on the phone, you can get a gay pen pal or participate in one of the computer bulletin boards. And if you do want to talk with someone face-to-face, people on the national hotlines and computer bulletin boards can help you find a local group or person to call. Remember to use good judgment when making any contacts. Whatever you choose, talking really helps. And you'll learn you're really not alone.


SHOULD I "COME OUT?"

THE SHORT ANSWER: Only if you want to, and only when you're ready. Don't come out just because someone else thinks you should.

Hiding the fact that you're gay is called "being in the closet." Being open about it is called "coming out." You can come out to one person, to friends and family only, or to everyone you know. It's up to you.

There's no reason you have to come out if you aren't ready. Sometimes there are very good reasons not to come out. There are real risks in coming out. There are people who won't accept you if you're gay, people who will do and say terrible things. They could be your parents or your friends or your classmates or your teachers, people you love or depend on for financial help, companionship, encouragement, or other support.

There are also very good reasons, however, to let some people know that you're gay. Hiding your sexual orientation keeps the important people in your life from knowing about a big part of you. Hiding who you are keeps your relationships from being real. At some point, many gays find that the loneliness and isolation of keeping a secret is worse than any fear of coming out.

Whatever your reasons for thinking you should or shouldn't come out, it's your decision and no one else's. It's also one you should take at your own speed.

Before you come out to others, you have to come out to yourself. That means not only knowing you're gay, but being comfortable with being gay, and being sure of who you are as a person.

Keep in mind that knowing you're gay is just being aware of one more piece of who you are. You're the same person you were before; you just know more about yourself. A lot of gay teens have learned to say to themselves, "I'm gay and that's OK."

Before you come out, you might want to be educated about being gay for your own information and because many people will have wrong ideas. You'll feel proud to know the facts if someone asks you a question or if you want to correct someone's lies about gay people. Read one or more of the books for teenagers listed in the back of this booklet and talk to other gay people on the phone or in person. By learning about their experiences and talking about yourself, you'll know more about who you are and what to expect when you come out. Tell your new gay friends that you're getting ready to come out so they can support you.

That kind of support system is really important when you're coming out. You'll want people around who care about you and will be there for you, whether it's just to talk or to give you a hug when you need one - or to give you a place to stay, if you need that. If you don't feel that you already have people like that, call the nearest PFLAG chapter or one of the other groups listed at the back of this booklet.


WHO SHOULD I TELL?

THE SHORT ANSWER: To start, only those people who you want to know.

Coming out isn't something that you do once and then it's over. You might come out now to your family and later to friends, or the other way around. You could come out only to one parent, or to a brother or sister, and later to the rest of the family.

The people you tell first should be the ones you trust the most. You need to be able to trust them not to hurt you, to accept you for who you are, and to respect your privacy and not tell anyone you don't want told.

Think about what you could lose by telling a particular person. If it's a parent, might they kick you out of the house? Cut you off from your friends? If it's a friend, are they likely to withdraw from you? Would they tell other kids at school? What would happen if they did?

Think also about what you could lose by not telling a particular person. Is your relationship with your parents or your friends strained because you're keeping a secret from them? Would you be closer with them, and be able to get more support from them, if they understood why you were acting withdrawn?

Think about what kinds of things you've been able to share with them in the past and how they reacted. If there's someone to whom you want to come out, and you aren't sure how they'll react, try to feel them out first. Get them talking about a book or a movie or a television show about gays. Use the questions on page 8, under "I feel so alone."

Keep in mind that someone's reaction to a gay person in a movie might not be the same if that gay person is their daughter or their brother or their friend. And it can work both ways - people might seem either more or less prejudiced in a hypothetical or movie - type situation than they would when responding to someone close to them.

For example, because homophobia is so common in our society - and still so widely accepted - a friend or parent might, without thinking, joke about a gay character in a movie - or might do so because they think you expect that - but show far more thoughtfulness and desire to understand when responding to your coming out. On the other hand, parents or friends who seem accepting of gay characters in the media might be far less accepting of homosexuality in someone close to them.

To get a sense of how someone will react to your being gay, try to keep your questions specific, personal, and thought-provoking. Say you have a friend who has an older brother off at college, or in the military. You could say something like "I've been reading about gay groups on college campuses," or "I've been reading about gays in the military. Would you be upset if your brother came home and told you he was gay?" Your friend might surprise you and answer, "My brother is gay."


HOW DO I TELL MY PARENTS?

THE SHORT ANSWER: When you're ready, and with care.

Many gay teens say that their relationship with their parents was much closer after they came out because it was more honest. They say it was a relief to feel like they weren't keeping a secret any more.

PFLAG was founded by parents who wanted to support their gay sons and lesbian daughters - parents who wanted to work with their children for equal rights, and who wanted to welcome their sons' and daughters' lovers into their families.

But it doesn't always work that way. Some teens who come out to their parents are forced to leave home. Some parents become abusive. Some family relationships never recover.

Before you come out to your parents, there are some things for you to consider.

Think about your parents' general reaction to gays. Find out as much as you can, by observing your parents or asking indirect questions. Do they have gay friends? Do they read books or go to movies that include gay relationships? Is their religion accepting of gays? Have you heard them say that there's nothing wrong with being gay?

Think about your relationship with your parents. Have they shown that they love you even when they're upset with you? Have they stuck by you even when you've done something they didn't like?

Be prepared. If you had to leave home, do you have a place to stay? If your parents cut off financial support, do you have someone else to whom you can turn?

If your answer to all of these questions is "no," don't come out to your parents until you have a safe place to go to and a way to support yourself. You'll probably be better off waiting until you're on your own. You might decide never to tell them, because they wouldn't understand.

If your answer to all of these questions is "yes," then it's probably safe to tell them.

You're the only one who can answer those questions, and weigh the balance of "yesses" and "nos." Trust your gut. It's almost always frightening coming out to your parents, but if you're terrified about it, you should pay attention to that. Not all parents will be accepting.

If you decide you can and want to tell your parents, think about how you can make it easiest on them - and on yourself. Try to think about how they're going to feel, and the questions they may have, so that you're ready for them. Call a local PFLAG chapter and speak to a parent who can talk with you about how your own parent might react.

It will be easiest to talk with your parents when you're feeling good about yourself. Coming out to your parents will require a lot of strength. If you're feeling confused, that could increase your parents' confusion and give them less confidence in your judgment.

It will also be best if you can pick a time when your parents are relaxed and not pressured by work or family worries. Otherwise, they may feel they don't have the time to deal with it, and shut you out.

Be prepared for your parents to need some time to accept your being gay - just as you probably needed some time yourself. Remember that your parents are from an older generation - one that was more homophobic than yours. Even if they're accepting of gays in general, your parents may be shocked at learning that you are gay. They may not want to believe it at first, or they may want to try to bring in a psychiatrist to "cure" you.

Before the psychological and psychiatric associations concluded that homosexuality is perfectly normal, there were a lot of theories about how people became gay because of how their parents acted. Your parents may worry about what your being gay says about them and about whether they failed you in some way - and that worry can come out as anger and defensiveness.

Your parents could also feel that you've rejected them or their way of life by being gay, or that you've somehow ruined their dreams for you. There's often some of this feeling in all relationships between teens and their parents, as the teen becomes more independent and parents have to let go of the image they have of what their son or daughter will be. Parents of gay teens may feel this sense of loss and rejection even more strongly.

Even if they don't have those reactions, your parents are probably going to feel worried about you - about whether this will put you in danger, about whether your life will be happy, about whether you'll have a family of your own. That can make them want to ignore or deny what you've told them.

They may worry also about how they're going to tell their parents and friends. They'll be starting a coming-out process of their own.

The best thing you can do is be ready with answers - or suggest people with whom they can talk. The more homework you've done, and the more self-assured you seem, the more you'll convince your parents that you're ready to take responsibility for yourself. Then they won't worry so much about you.

PFLAG can help a lot with that - with suggested books, videos, and information for you and your parents, and by providing contacts with other families who have gay and lesbian children, or counselors who can help your parents work through their feelings.

And remember - you don't have to come out to both parents at once. Many teens have talked first to the parent they thought would be more accepting or with whom it was easiest to talk. Recognize, though, that confiding in only one parent may cause hurt and tension between your parents - hurt because the parent who is not told may feel slighted when he or she finds out, and tension because the parent you do talk to will now have the burden of explaining your silence - or of keeping a secret until you are ready to talk to the other parent. Think it through if you plan to tell just one parent.

Most importantly, make sure that you have other people with whom to talk, because, even when coming out to your parents is relatively easy, it's hard. The more support you have, the better


WILL I LOSE MY STRAIGHT FRIENDS?
AND WHERE DO I FIND GAY FRIENDS?

THE SHORT ANSWER: To the first question - probably not. And to the second - everywhere.

Many teens say they have more straight friends now that they're "out," and that they're a lot happier and more confident since coming out. It's easier to be close to people when you're not hiding anything and when you're comfortable with yourself.

Some teens, however, have had horrible experiences coming out at school. Particularly in small towns or rural areas, and where there are a lot of people belonging to fundamentalist religions, discrimination against gays is still strong. And kids can be very cruel, especially when they're unsure of themselves and are looking for ways to build themselves up. They can harass you and make your life miserable. Gay teens have a very high dropout rate because of the way they're treated. Right now, only one state - Massachusetts - has a law that prohibits discrimination in the public schools based on sexual orientation.

If you want to come out to friends, be careful to trust only friends who will respect your privacy and confidentiality. Friends who tend to gossip can cause problems, even if they don't mean to hurt you.

Some friends will be supportive right away. (Both guys and girls say it's generally easier to come out to girls.) One or two friends might have already guessed that you're gay. You may find that you already have gay friends, and didn't know it.

Some friends may need time to adjust to the idea of your being gay. Some may wonder if your coming out to them is a way of coming on to them, and that might make them feel uncomfortable. Some may wonder, since you're a close friend and you're gay, whether they're gay too. Just as you did with your parents, try to think about how each friend is likely to feel, and how you can let them see that you haven't changed. Just as with your parents, offering them some of the books listed in the back of this booklet can help.

Talking to gay friends about their coming-out experiences can also help. Finding new friends who are gay is really important - friends who know exactly what you're going through because they've "been there," or are in the process of coming out themselves.

Gay youth organizations are a good place to start, because there you won't have to try to figure out whether another teen is gay or not. Most major cities have gay youth organizations where you'll be able to meet people easily. You'll find new friends with whom you can share experiences and support and learn more about yourself.

If you're in a small town or in the country, it may be harder to find groups like these. In that case, you can meet people through the pen pal programs and computer bulletin boards listed in the back of this booklet. The organizations in the resources directory can also help you find more specific groups, such as organizations of gay and lesbian African Americans, Arabs, Asians, or Latinos, or support groups for gays and lesbians with disabilities.

And remember - even if it seems to you that you must be the only gay person at your school, you aren't. With as much as 10% of the population being gay, there are other gay students at your school whom you might already know but not know that they're gay - or whom you might not yet have met. Gay people joke sometimes about having "gaydar," a type of "radar' for tolling who is and isn't gay. Figuring out who is gay, if they're not completely "out," is like figuring out it someone's interested in you. Sometimes you can tell, sometimes you can't. You'll get better at it with experience.


CAN I HAVE A FAMILY OF MY OWN?

THE SHORT ANSWER: Yes.

Many gay people hold wedding ceremonies to celebrate their commitment to each other and to share their relationship with family and friends. While only a few religions, and no states, perform or witness these ceremonies, attitudes are beginning to change. More and more companies, such as Apple Computer, now treat gay partners like any other married couples, and provide health care coverage for their gay employees' partners. President Clinton's Administration has used the words "you and your significant other" instead of "you and your spouse" in recognition of gay partners.

Many gay couples are also raising children together. Some lesbians have used artificial insemination in order to conceive a child. Other gays and lesbians, who came out after they'd been involved in heterosexual relationships, are raising the children from those relationships with their gay partners. As society's attitudes continue to change, adoption of children by gay couples will also become more common. Six states permit adoption by same-sex couples.

And many gays see their friends and the local gay community as their family. In most cities, there is a large and close-knit gay community that offers the same type of love and support we look for from our families.


BE YOURSELF

Obviously, this booklet cannot ask or answer every question. But we hope it gives you a place to start. You don't have to be alone when exploring your sexual identity. The resources beginning on page 18 will give you a place to continue-to find information, to find answers, and to find friends.

You'll learn that the best advice is to be yourself. If you are gay, lesbian, or bisexual, you'll soon find that you have the power to shape and define your coming out-to make it unique for yourself. While coming out will present you with questions and situations you never faced before, you'll also find great joy in this journey of discovery.


BOOKS FOR GAY, LESBIAN AND BISEXUAL TEENS

If you cannot locate a book at a local library or bookstore, most can be ordered through Lambda Rising Bookstore, 1625 Connecticut Ave., NW, Washington, DC 20009, 1-800-621-6969.

Am I Blue? Coming Out from the Silence, Marion Dane Bauer, editor. Harper Collins, 1994.

Annie On My Mind, Nancy Garden, FS&G, 1992. Fiction.

Children of Horizons: How Gay and Lesbian Teens are Leading a New Way Out, Gilbert Herdt and Andrew Boxer, Beacon Press, 1993.

Coming Out to Parents, Mary Borhek, Pilgrim Press, 1993.

Gay Men and Women Who Enriched the World, Thomas Cowan. William Mulvey, Inc., New Canaan, Connecticut, 1988.

Growing Up Gay: A Literary Anthology, Bennett L. Singer, editor. The New Press, 1993.

One Teenager in Ten: Writings by Gay and Lesbian Youth, Ann Heron, editor. Warner Books, 1986.

Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit, Jeanette Winterson. Atlantic Monthly Press, 1987. Fiction.

Reflections of a Rock Lobster, A Story About Growing Up Gay, Aaron Fricke. Alyson Publications, 1983.

Peter, Kate Walker. Houghton Mifflin, 1993. Fiction.

Two Teenagers in Twenty, Ann Heron, editor. Alyson Publications, 1994.

Understanding Sexual Identity: A Book for Gay and Lesbian Teens, Janice Rench. Lerner, 1990.

When Someone You Know Is Gay, Susan and Daniel Cohen. Dell, 1989.

Young, Gay and Proud, Sasha Alyson, editor. Alyson Publications, 1985.


Books for your parents, friends, and family

Are You Still My Mother?, Gloria Guss Back. Warner Books, 1985.

Beyond Acceptance, Carolyn Griffin and Marian and Arthur Wirth. Prentice-Hall, 1986.

Bridges of Respect Creating Support for Lesbian and Gay Youth, Katherine Whitlock. American Friends Service Committee, 1989.

Different Daughters: A Book by Mothers of Lesbians, Louise Rafkin. Cleis Press, 1987.

The Family Heart: A Memoir of When Our Son Came Out, Robb Forman Dew. Addison-Wesley, 1994.

Is it a Choice? Answers to 300 of the Most Frequently Asked Questions About Gays and Lesbians, Eric Marcus. Harper Collins, 1993.

My Son Eric, Mary V. Borhek. The Pilgrim Press, 1979.

The New Loving Someone Gay, Don Clark, Ph.D. Signet Books, 1987.

Now That You Know: What Every Parent Should Know About Homosexuality, Betty Fairchild and Nancy Hayward. Harcourt Brace Javanovich, 1989.


For More Information

This publication is copyrighted, but readers are welcome to copy it in whole or in part, with proper accreditation to PFLAG. All publications are discounted for members and bulk orders. Publications and products are priced to cover costs of production, shipping, and handling.


Copyright (c) 1994. Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, Inc.
Electronically distributed and reprinted with permission by !OutProud!, The National Coalition for Gay, Lesbian & Bisexual Youth, with permission from PFLAG.

-------------------The Above Info From PFLAG.org ------------------