My Story, and...Any Advice?!

Billy44 · 06-07-2008, 09:43 PM

Yea, so this is basically my coming out story, and its kinda long, and its not really complete. So, it started about two years ago, when an x-friend of mine started this rumor that I was gay (and not like gay, but like gay as a synonym for being stupid a stuff). And, this was before I even realized I was gay (well, I'm actually bi). But, this rumor gave me a lot of shit, like some people really thought I was gay or others just thought I was stupid, but either way they gave me shit. And so then, my self-esteem tanked and I went suicidal for a while. But then I joined this youth group thing (not for gays or anything), but it is really accepting and open. And, then, I kinda realized I was bi. And, since the place was so accepting, I came out there, and it really felt great, plus, everyone accepted me. It was and still is the only place I can really be open about myself. But, now, at school, stuff is getting worse, and I still haven't come out there! Like, the other day, this kid who hates me cause of me being gay and all this other stuff threw me into a wall and gave me a concussion. And, now I really want to come out at school cause I don't want to live like a fake lie every day, but also if I'm getting a ton of shit without being out of the closet, imagine how bad it could be if I was. And, on top of all this, my parents don't even know. I think my mom would be okay with it, but I'm not sure bout my dad. So, really, only a few close friends know, but I sill feel like trapped....! Any help?!

Jamd · 06-08-2008, 12:05 AM

OMW! You need to talk to someone about that! Being bullied like that just because of a rumour!? I wish i had advice, but i regretably i don't.

Billy44 · 06-08-2008, 12:07 AM

yea, exactly, i mean i would stand up to the kid but he's like fucking huge and could like murder me...

Rhodanum · 06-08-2008, 07:52 AM

My first piece of advice would be the fact that you should report any and all instances of harassment by other colleagues (no matter the reason for which you are harassed in the first place) to the proper authorities -- such as teachers, the principal, the school counselor (if there is one), or, ultimately, if you feel that your well-being is truly endangered, to the police. All of these individuals are there for a reason - to protect the students and to keep such actions of hate from happening or to minimize their effects. You do not necessarily need to confirm if the rumor of your sexual orientation is true - in the eyes of the law, such a thing should ultimately be irrelevant. The factor that urgently needs to be addressed is the fact that you were physically harmed by someone else and that you did nothing in order to instigate this action.

I was the victim of a brutal beating two years ago, at the hands of a couple of colleagues, who, based upon my appearance, decided that I was a lesbian (something not very far from the truth, but I digress...) and that I needed to be taught a lesson in normalcy. After the whole thing, I went straight to the principal's office and then to the police. Those individuals were accused with premeditated assault and expelled from the school, in order to be sent to a much more strict and controlled institution. In the end, I prevailed simply because I utterly refused to bow my head, to accept my circumstances and allow my right to human dignity to be taken away by such... barbarians, for lack of a better word.

Secondly, if you do not feel truly safe at your school and you can logically assume that the situation could take a turn for the worse, I'd say that staying quiet is the best option (not a very satisfying one, I know, but, sometimes, listening to our instincts can save us from a great deal of grief).

Thirdly, about your family... If you truly trust your mother and feel secure enough with the knowledge that she would accept your sexuality without too much difficulty, I think it would be safe to have a nice, long chat with her about everything that you've gotten so used to hiding from the eyes of the world -- it would certainly lift a weight from your chest, the same way that it did for me. There is no written rule stating that you need to come out to both parents at the same time, if you do not wish to do so - sometimes it can be easier if the process is a gradual one, beginning with the parent that you find to be the most open-minded about such matters and moving forward from there.

These would be my token five cents to the topic. I'm still learning a great deal myself -- about the reactions of others, about my own fears, worries - so I can't say that I'm an extremely knowledgeable person in this field. Just one who has, more or less, gone through a great deal of the stages that you have as well. *smiles*

Billy44 · 06-08-2008, 03:38 PM

yea, i think ur right about talking to my mom, but its hard, especially with not knowing what my dad will think. and, about reporting incidents, last time something like this happened i tried to fix it, but it only got worse....

rileycoyote · 06-08-2008, 04:24 PM

usually i'd say try to ignore a bit of bullying, but getting a concussion is going to far. just try to always be in a group of among, the bully is less likely to hurt you when you're with a group. does anyone at the youth group go to your school?

Billy44 · 06-09-2008, 06:29 PM

yea, but im not in that class w/ them, all the other classes im in them w/, so its all good there, and that other class is over now, so its all good till next fall =)

dragon072891 · 06-09-2008, 07:28 PM

man, i really do hate people that hate on gays,,,, my car was attacked the other day,,

but id say go for it, it could make things easier

for example

at my school, i am openly gay,, and no one messes with me because i came out to everyone,, on my own,, and didnt let rumors get around

but all the other gay kids, they get picked on because they only told a few people and those people told a few other people,, and they get ridiculed for it

all im sayin is that my mass come out helped me in the long run,, it could do the same for you

but just evaluate your situation before you decide to announce it to entire classrooms at a time ,, like i did

06-07-2008, 09:43 PM	#1 (permalink)
Billy44 Official GTF Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Massachusetts Age: 16 Gender: Posts: 16	My Story, and...Any Advice?! Yea, so this is basically my coming out story, and its kinda long, and its not really complete. So, it started about two years ago, when an x-friend of mine started this rumor that I was gay (and not like gay, but like gay as a synonym for being stupid a stuff). And, this was before I even realized I was gay (well, I'm actually bi). But, this rumor gave me a lot of shit, like some people really thought I was gay or others just thought I was stupid, but either way they gave me shit. And so then, my self-esteem tanked and I went suicidal for a while. But then I joined this youth group thing (not for gays or anything), but it is really accepting and open. And, then, I kinda realized I was bi. And, since the place was so accepting, I came out there, and it really felt great, plus, everyone accepted me. It was and still is the only place I can really be open about myself. But, now, at school, stuff is getting worse, and I still haven't come out there! Like, the other day, this kid who hates me cause of me being gay and all this other stuff threw me into a wall and gave me a concussion. And, now I really want to come out at school cause I don't want to live like a fake lie every day, but also if I'm getting a ton of shit without being out of the closet, imagine how bad it could be if I was. And, on top of all this, my parents don't even know. I think my mom would be okay with it, but I'm not sure bout my dad. So, really, only a few close friends know, but I sill feel like trapped....! Any help?! __________________ ...Revolutionaries await my Friends...

06-08-2008, 12:05 AM	#2 (permalink)
Jamd Official GTF Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: South Africa Gender: Posts: 137	OMW! You need to talk to someone about that! Being bullied like that just because of a rumour!? I wish i had advice, but i regretably i don't. __________________ a man that smiles when something goes wrong has thought of someone to blame it on

06-08-2008, 12:07 AM	#3 (permalink)
Billy44 Official GTF Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Massachusetts Age: 16 Gender: Posts: 16	yea, exactly, i mean i would stand up to the kid but he's like fucking huge and could like murder me... __________________ ...Revolutionaries await my Friends...

06-08-2008, 07:52 AM	#4 (permalink)
Rhodanum Official GTF Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Bucharest, Romania Age: 19 Posts: 13	My first piece of advice would be the fact that you should report any and all instances of harassment by other colleagues (no matter the reason for which you are harassed in the first place) to the proper authorities -- such as teachers, the principal, the school counselor (if there is one), or, ultimately, if you feel that your well-being is truly endangered, to the police. All of these individuals are there for a reason - to protect the students and to keep such actions of hate from happening or to minimize their effects. You do not necessarily need to confirm if the rumor of your sexual orientation is true - in the eyes of the law, such a thing should ultimately be irrelevant. The factor that urgently needs to be addressed is the fact that you were physically harmed by someone else and that you did nothing in order to instigate this action. I was the victim of a brutal beating two years ago, at the hands of a couple of colleagues, who, based upon my appearance, decided that I was a lesbian (something not very far from the truth, but I digress...) and that I needed to be taught a lesson in normalcy. After the whole thing, I went straight to the principal's office and then to the police. Those individuals were accused with premeditated assault and expelled from the school, in order to be sent to a much more strict and controlled institution. In the end, I prevailed simply because I utterly refused to bow my head, to accept my circumstances and allow my right to human dignity to be taken away by such... barbarians, for lack of a better word. Secondly, if you do not feel truly safe at your school and you can logically assume that the situation could take a turn for the worse, I'd say that staying quiet is the best option (not a very satisfying one, I know, but, sometimes, listening to our instincts can save us from a great deal of grief). Thirdly, about your family... If you truly trust your mother and feel secure enough with the knowledge that she would accept your sexuality without too much difficulty, I think it would be safe to have a nice, long chat with her about everything that you've gotten so used to hiding from the eyes of the world -- it would certainly lift a weight from your chest, the same way that it did for me. There is no written rule stating that you need to come out to both parents at the same time, if you do not wish to do so - sometimes it can be easier if the process is a gradual one, beginning with the parent that you find to be the most open-minded about such matters and moving forward from there. These would be my token five cents to the topic. I'm still learning a great deal myself -- about the reactions of others, about my own fears, worries - so I can't say that I'm an extremely knowledgeable person in this field. Just one who has, more or less, gone through a great deal of the stages that you have as well. smiles __________________ Fear is not the natural state of civilized people. -- Aung San Suu Kyi

06-08-2008, 03:38 PM	#5 (permalink)
Billy44 Official GTF Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Massachusetts Age: 16 Gender: Posts: 16	yea, i think ur right about talking to my mom, but its hard, especially with not knowing what my dad will think. and, about reporting incidents, last time something like this happened i tried to fix it, but it only got worse.... __________________ ...Revolutionaries await my Friends...

06-08-2008, 04:24 PM	#6 (permalink)
rileycoyote Official GTF Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: Baltimore, MD Age: 15 Gender: Posts: 580	usually i'd say try to ignore a bit of bullying, but getting a concussion is going to far. just try to always be in a group of among, the bully is less likely to hurt you when you're with a group. does anyone at the youth group go to your school?

06-09-2008, 06:29 PM	#7 (permalink)
Billy44 Official GTF Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Massachusetts Age: 16 Gender: Posts: 16	yea, but im not in that class w/ them, all the other classes im in them w/, so its all good there, and that other class is over now, so its all good till next fall =) __________________ ...Revolutionaries await my Friends...

06-09-2008, 07:28 PM	#8 (permalink)
dragon072891 GTF Donator! Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: mobile, Alabama Gender: Posts: 1,163	man, i really do hate people that hate on gays,,,, my car was attacked the other day,, but id say go for it, it could make things easier for example at my school, i am openly gay,, and no one messes with me because i came out to everyone,, on my own,, and didnt let rumors get around but all the other gay kids, they get picked on because they only told a few people and those people told a few other people,, and they get ridiculed for it all im sayin is that my mass come out helped me in the long run,, it could do the same for you but just evaluate your situation before you decide to announce it to entire classrooms at a time ,, like i did __________________ life is what you make it, it dose'nt come pre packaged,, so i say do a good job because your the only one that cant escape it

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode