adamequalscoffe

On Feb. 19th, 2006. I was one the computer looking for people to add on my space. I came across this really cute guy named Jared. We started talking and talking, we talked all day for like fine days. I couldn't wait to get home from school to go and get on the computer to talk to him. After fine days of talking to him I told him I liked him. He told me he liked me too! I asked him to be my boyfriend and he said yes! That as on Feb 24th, 2006. We got each other's numbers and talked for hours on the phone. A week or a little more went by and he broke up with me! I asked him why, he said, "He didn't know me well enough" I said it was ok. A few more weeks went by and we found out more stuff about each other and I just started to like him even more. Later I asked him if we could start dating again he said yes!! I was all happy and I wasn't able to share what I was so happy about because no one knew I was gay. But being happy didn't last for over a month. I was told from one of Jared's friends at school that he was planning on breaking up with me. I started to freak out because I was so happy for once! Jared and I talked about it and he said that there was too much going on for him to have a boyfriend. Trying to deal with him coming out and have people say stuff also having to deal with stuff more personal stuff. Another thing he said was it is too hard with being so far apart!

We still talked a lot maybe even more then we use to. One night I talked to him for hours and I went 89 minutes over our minutes. I didn't get in to that much trouble. But it caused my mom to talk to our phone company to see what we could do because I didn't mean to do it. There wasn't really anything they could do except adding more minutes and we wouldn't be charged for the minutes I went over. My mother added 1,000 minutes to the phone witch added up to 2,000 a month. When my mom was talking to the phone company they told her about a texting plan. It was unlimited text for everyone on the plan just $10 we got that too. After that Jared and I were able to talk on the phone more often. After awhile we started to date again, this time it lasted for almost two months. Then things started to go down hill for me. I was telling more people that I was gay and I told the wrong person and she ended up tell a few people plus my brother Bo. Bo started to give me shit about it till I told him I was gay. Then he shut up about it and never really messed with me. I don't ever recall hearing him say gay as in a stupid way. At this time there were a lot of people that knew I was gay. There weren't that many people that knew in my church only my really close friends. After youth one Wednesday I left to go home and I get a text message from my friend Jon. He was asking if everything was ok and hi heard something major was going on in my life. There were some of my so-called friends talking about me in a circle. Jon happened to walking and found that out. I was so mad at different people for talking about me. I got fed up with Jon and some other people asking if I was ok and waking what was going on. At midnight that night I walked down to Jon's house. He lived maybe close to a mile away. The street I was walking on was dark and had just a few street lights on it. Its really weird because when any of out family gets mad one goes on a walk to calm down. We all here birds of some kinds no matter what time of the day it is. When I got down to his street I texted him saying, " if you really want to know what is going on, Come out side." He ran out side and I was hiding in the bushes on the side of the road to scare him and I did. We started to talk and I asked him if he loves me for who I am no matter what I do or have done, he said yes he would. Then I asked him even if I was gay?? He was said wow. He started out by saying I know you don't choose to be gay but there is something in your head that is not right. I really didn't know so I said ok. Then we said our good byes and I walked home. I called my boyfriend Jared. I told him what was going on and I also told him that I might break up with him. I really didn't want to do it, but I had a lot going on. The next day my mom had this small group with my youth pastor. The small group is where people from the church get together and talk about the bible. Well my mom and my youth pastor got to talking and he told my mom that I was gay. I wasn't mad at him because that is what he is supposed to do. When he finds out something major or bad he is suppose to tell the parents of the kids. When my mom got home that night that night she took my computer and looked on it and she found pictures of guys kissing. So she took it and never gave it back to me. My mom never told me she knew that I was gay she just asked me lots of strange questio0ns about the bible. That Saturday I got a text message form my youth pastor asking if I was home. I told him I was home. I asked him why did he want to know and all he said was im on my way to get you. I was freaking out. So I get ready and he picked me up. I asked him where we were going and he said out to eat. He asked me if I know why and I said I think I do. We were talking about how it says its wrong in the bible to be gay. When we gout to the place there was another youth leader. His name is Jake. We went inside and talked about what I was doing and me. I told them I wanted to change and get ride of the "sin". I did at the time because I was stupid and didn't know what I would do by changing. I ended up breaking up with Jared again and I broke his heart yet another time. He still forgave me and it didn't stop us from talking. He still gave me advice and took my mind off what was going on. he made me laugh Jared was the most awesome person I know. A few weeks went past and things were getting real bad. Jared got a boyfriend, more people were, more people at church were giving me shit, and to top it off my mom was doing the same thing, I had lots of people telling me that I was going to hell if id dint change even my mom was saying that. Jared and I got in a really big fight and things were said that shouldn't have been said. At hat point I was scared that I lost him but as normal we made up but he was still with Bradley. Before that fight he dept asking me out and asking how much of a chance he had to get back with me. I never said he had a big chance. But I didn't tell anyone that I was going to ask him back out in June when I saw him in person. But then Bradley came along and stole Jared from me. I told him what I was going to do when I saw him in person.
When he was with Bradley hi said that he loved me more then him. He was close to him so he could give him what he wanted just to be hugged and kissed and have physical contact. I wanted that also but could never find anyone close to me. Things got better with him and me but not with me. My church people started to give me weird looks and I had one friend that I have known since I was 3 years old. He just one day stopped talking to and I knew he knew. There was this other guy, Chris. I had a really big crush on him. He wouldn't stop talking to me about how being gay is a sin. I told him to stop no he wouldn't.
While all that was going on. Jared and my best friend Kasey had there plane tickets and they flew up here. I remember almost everything that happened. The first time we hugged kissed held hands etc. The first time we hugged Jared and Kasey were standing in my drive way and I said who is going to get the first hug. I loved what Jared did. He jumped on me and gave me a fatty hug. Then Kasey gave me a hug and it wasn't really a hug. She was way too nervous. We all were nervous, but it was over by the end of the night. We went out to eat at Denny's the first time I went there was with Jared and Kasey. After we went out to eat we went over to the Wall-mart because my sister worked there and I waned her to meet Jared. When he was up visiting me it was the best time of my life. He made me forget everything that was going on. I started to think, if im this happy and feel so good why would I want to change. From then on I knew I wanted to be my self.
Jared and Kasey left a week later and I missed them so much. We dated again for almost 2 months. Then two days before our 2-month I broke up with him and broke his heart for the last time. I broke up with him because I was hanging around with friends who were couples and they old me just to brake up with him. Long distance relationships are stupid. I did and I love Jared for good. We hardly ever talk. It hurts so much to go from talking for hours everyday to talking 10 minutes a week. Breaking up with him is something I regret doing.
After a while I decided to quit church. People were still saying stuff about my sexuality. I got fed up with it and just stopped going. Some of my close friends were sad because that was really the only place we saw each other because my mom became so strict with who I hang out with. That led to lots of fights with my mom and long walks. I took walks to calm down so I wouldn't do something I would regret saying or doing.
On one of my walks I called my aunt and I told her I was gay. I knew she wouldn't care because she is gay too. I have known for a long time that she was, it just never clicked that I could tell her about me and she wouldn't care. At that point I was thinking about running away and when I told her this she made me promise not to run away. We started talking about me going down to Beaverton Or. Just to viset and get away from everything and relax. I talk to my mom about it she started out with saying no. I kept asking and she said no. I don't remember what changed her mind but she ended up saying yes. When my aunt picked me up from my mom's house on August 5th, 2006. I was at my aunt's house till the 26th of august. While I was there my aunt and I talked about me moving down they're and going to school and getting a job. Ii wanted to really bad, I liked it down in Beaverton.
When I went back to my mom's house. I had a doctor's appointment for a physical. I was talking to my mom about moving down to Beaverton. She said no at first. My moms made me read stuff out of the bible and see if it would change my idea about being gay, as if it was a choice I read it and read some more all it did was make me yell at her saying "I'm not going to change, I'm happy with who I am!" She ended up saying I could move down there. My mom and my aunt talked about stuff. Some of it was about school; work, when I was going to see my mom, and how long I would stay in Beaverton.
I started school not knowing anybody but when I was registering for school this really cool chick named Nivin helped me and talk to and me and I got her number. Then I met this cool cat Robert that introduced me to a few people. I had friends within the of school starting. I was happy. I was able to be my self and I was just so happy that I move out of my mom's house and started a fresh new life. Even though I'm happy being out. There is still part of me that misses some things from before I can out to everyone. I miss going to church, some of my old friend I grew up with, and my dog princess from home. But over all I'm happy I came out and I'm able to be my self now!














Update!


I moved back in with my mom August 12th, 07 and things have been great! She has let me stay the night at guys house's and I have a job and I am going to school with a lot of my old friends! I don't go to church and most of the people that I went to church with don't really talk to me anymore. But I have gotten use to that!



The reasons that I moved back with my mom was I was getting really depressed living with my aunt. Things didn't turn out like I hoped they would when I first wrote this. I was depressed for probably 6-8 months and I still am depressed but I have been doing a good job on not letting it bother me. But life I can say is pretty darn good! Money is tight and I'm sorta stressing on school and stuff but I think that it is pretty normal to stress on school. I do plan on when I graduate from high school to either go to Eastern Washington University and If I don't get into that school than I will move down to Portland Oregon and get a roommate and live my life down there!

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Mr. Adam!

Kainspoher

I hope things only get better still.
I told my parents last night. So i kinda know how it can be.

adamequalscoffe

How did that work out for you?

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Mr. Adam!

Kainspoher

So far, unresolved.. They didn't beleive me, then they got upset.
So I left and stayed the night at a friends. Now, I'm waitng for
them to get home.

George

That's quite a long story, sounds like your life is not doing too bad though and sounds like you have god prospects, so there is no real need to worry! coming out can be hard, but I know I felt better after telling everyone, some family members still dont know like, my cousins etc. but I just think it is easier not to trell them and since I hardly see them who cares, grandparents also don't know but they are real old fashioned so they would just flip, but as long as everyone that really matters is fine wih it then it cant be that bad!

The 78th

Thats alot to reeead.... All I can say is hope you're happy and I'm jealous of whatever boyfriend you have/will have >_>

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boybj

that story was pretty interesting, i felt sorry for you at the beginning and towards the end i felt rely happy that things worked out, glad most of its sorted

Bulvox

Well let me start out by saying that was really interesting! You know, that story actually gave me some hope for coming out someday. It was so nice to read all of that and know that there are people out there struggling with the same thing! I really appreciate you taking the time to post such a story, and I hope everything works out for you!

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reminiscence

its unfortunate to be in such religious surroundings, but the fact that you came out so young says a lot of good about you. Question though, is Jon just a friend?

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rainbowboyoflove

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adamequalscoffe

All I can really say is don't be stupid(aka don't cut think about killing your self). But just wait and time will tell. I had a chance to get out of where I was. That I think helped out a lot. Just be there for her if she needs to talk or vent. Even if you can't help her out with what she has going on, it is always nice to have someone to talk to!

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Mr. Adam!

t.A.T.u.

well, really great story. im happy everything ended up working out for u- it shows that even through hard times, if u give it enough time, thinks will work out! Thanks for the read!

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t.A.T.u. ~ The Revolution of our Lives ~ t.A.T.u.

Lil Boi Is SexyX

Woah, that is a really long story. I hope everything works out for you though. =D

mycole6

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