guy0680

I am a 20 year old guy and am very, very confused about my sexuality. I would consider myself bisexual (roughly maybe 60% gay and 40% straight). However the things that I am attracted to/unattractive to lead me to be confused about my orientation. I only find certain penis's and vagina's attractive, some I will look at and get turned on, while others will disgust me. I also find the "input" (I don't know how graphic I can get on this site) for gay sex gross. The girls I am attracted to are perfect "Barbie" doll girls, but I am more lenient on men.

So far my only sexual experiences have been with girls, however it was difficult getting aroused for them. I can't be sure if this was because of the sex of my partner...or by the fact that I was drunk the first time I hooked up with a girl (and perhaps impaired my arousal?)...and the proceeding times I was very worried and thinking about not being able to get up (even thinking of a guy, to see if that worked, did nothing). So I'm not sure if my problem is that I am gay or if its because of my worrying. Any suggestions?

Recently a gay male around the same age of me started at my work. I assume he is out, but just doesn't broadcast it, but I can tell he is, and from looking at his MySpace I am almost positive. I have quickly developed a crush on him, but I am not sure if its just because he is gay and (for the lack of a better word) "there" or if I really have feelings (I have only known him a short while and don't know him well).

Another problem is that I couldn't see myself coming out because my family and most of the people I know aren't very tolerant of homosexuality. I think my parents know but block it out/pretend they don't know. They have found gay porn on my computer. (I have both gay and straight porn)

Does anyone have any advice, input or comments on my crazy sexual identity lol?? Any would be helpful and appreciated.

guy0680

I would just like to add that this is my first crush on a male. I usually have crushes on girls. My best friend is a girl and I have a huge crush on her, I love her to death, and am attracted to her sexually as well. Unfortunately she sees me as a brother.

rileycoyote

wow, you definitely fall in the category of "confused". i'm kinda glad i've always known i was gay, i never had a period where i thought 'maybe i am straight?'.

i think the first thing you need to try and figure out is who you can yourself being a relationship with .... guys, girls, or both. you could probably have sex with either guys or girls and you'd have a good time with both.

Queer Lemon

or both at the same time? find a really hot guy and a really hot girl that would be willing to have a threesome, and those are always sexually exciting. and that way you could figure out what you like more.

MY ABSOLUTE ADVICE: experiment. You honestly have nothing to lose if your parents already think it, and if something goes wrong, just dont talk to the "one night stand"? i dunno, but it sounds to me like you are a worried thinker. If nothing i say helps, go see a massage therapist and learn to relax, go sit in a jacuzzi and chill out, maybe you can't get it up because you're stressed.

good luck.

__________________
~~~If my name was Homework.... would you do me on a table???~~~

guy0680

I would just like to thank everyone who took the time to reply, it means a lot and I definitely got good advice from it.

Just an update, in the last couple of days the person at work who I developed a crush on was "outed" (my work is pretty much as gossipy, rumor filled as the worst high school), something he immediately went on the defensive and denied it (He is, I'm positive), I have been squashing/quieting the gossip/rumors of it best I can for him, as I feel horrible and can imagine how he feels (No one, as far as I know, realizes I am). I guess one of our co-workers niece or nephews went to school with him and told them. Its not running rapid throughout work yet and hopefully it won't cause him any problems/harassment etc..

jspoons1293

Well it sounds to me like you can just throw yourself under the umbrella term of bisexuality. As long as you can get it up for both guys and girls, then you're bi, at least according to me. Some people say that your orientation is whatever you prefer the most, but if that were the case then almost noone would be bi because almost no bi guy likes both guys and girls equally. Personally, I find guys so much more attractive than girls, it's almost like just raw attraction towards them, but I am attracted to girls as well, just not quite in the same manner. It's hard to describe. When I see a hot girl, I don't think about getting in her pants, I simply stop thinking and all that goes through my mind is how pretty she is. If you can imagine the stereotypical guy looking at a hot girl like an idiot, that's what my mind is like at that point in time. That is the first stage of attraction to girls for me. For guys... if I see a hot guy, I immediately start hoping that he is gay or bi, and I wonder what he looks like without a shirt on.

Like I said, there's different degrees of attraction and different types of attraction, but it is attraction nonetheless. That's the wonderful thing about sexuality: it's ambiguous and isn't truly classifiable. Each person has a unique orientation because of the different ways they can be attracted to different people.

The point is, you shouldn't worry about how to define yourself, just know that on some level you know what you like, and that it doesn't need to be described. What good does describing your orientation do, other than give it a name? It's better, at least during this stage of confusion for you, to just let it be and if it really matters later on, figure it out then when you've experimented and have a better grasp of what you like.

As for your co-worker, I'd just like to tell you thanks for sticking up for him. It's not every day that someone who doesn't define themselves as gay or bi (at least not openly) tries to defend someone who is. I'm sure he appreciates it.

guy0680

I'm still very confused with my life right now, although I really want to, and think I will, come out to my co-worker/crush when/if the opportunity presents itself, I am very afraid of the idea, but excited at the fact that a relationship/friendship could come of it. In the back of my mind I am also thinking about how if I really admit it to someone its really true. I am really excited when I work on the same days as him and almost get sad when I am working on nights he isn't there.

I messaged him on MySpace, just asking a general/generic question about work, I'm hoping it will maybe lead to more online communication, or a better friendship.

This is my first crush on a guy, before I have only had crushes on girls, and this is the first guy that I have thought of myself hugging, kissing, holding hands etc.. I have never thought/imagined/daydreamed about these things with a guy before. Even when I fantasize about gay sex I never ever have had myself in the fantasy.

Whats most confusing with me is that I still find females attractive, pretty, etc. too.

Just an update about the work rumor, not much has been said about it lately but everyday he is acting more and more "gay/flamboyant" which I don't understand, if he was so adament about denying it, why isn't he being more secretive? Perhaps its just my extra awareness of the situation?

Thanks everyone for being a sounding board.

forcefield081

Wow, how lucky you are, I mean... I never tasted a sexual relationship before and is in some need of an advice myself.