jspoons1293

This will be the only thread like this from me, because I feel really out of place saying this, but it's been on my mind for a long time and I need to say it or write it out somewhere and I figured here is as good a place as any.

I've been feeling incredibly lonely for months now. I've felt a sort of loneliness around me for several years, but it's started to build up around me and now it feels like it's suffocating me. I take antidepressants, and they usually help, but for some reason at night they seem to wear off and my mind just spirals downwards. I feel like no matter what I do, it's never good enough for anyone, and that I can never live up to anyone's expectations of me. I hardly live up to my own expectations of myself.

I've looked into support groups and such but they are all so... foreign... to me. I simply feel out of place whenever I am in a situation where people are focused on "helping me." I feel like there's so much else wrong in the world and that the people who are trying to help me are doing the world a disservice by devoting their efforts to me.

I see a therapist, but I don't talk to her. I know I can trust her, and that she's completely understanding of anything that I say or do, but I always refrain from telling her any of the darker aspects of my personality. It's not that I'm ashamed of it, I just feel like if I talk about it, I'm just drawing attention to something that isn't that important.

About two months ago I put a belt around my neck. I can't really tell what the goal of doing that was, whether it was to see what it was like, or whether it was to kill myself. I just remember thinking that I feel like there's a huge weight on my back, crushing me, and that I need a way to escape.

I feel like I want to try to escape again.

A part of me also feels that me thinking about suicide is only because I want to know how people would truly be affected if I was suddenly gone, and that part of me always reminds me that if I actually did kill myself, that I wouldn't be able to find out how people would be affected, so there's no point to killing myself. But that doesn't make me not want to, so doesn't that mean that there's a different reason?

I just feel confused, inadequate, and lonely. Maybe if I had someone of my own it would be different, but for some reason, noone seems to consider me attractive, even though I'm constantly told that I am very cute.

I just don't know what to do anymore...

Help?

rileycoyote

you look like a happy and popular guy in your pics with lots of friends. It sounds like you've tried the usual things that help people when they're depressed. You need to figure out why you feel inadequate and realize try and love yourself above feeling loved by everybody else.

Mike

I think that this is your problem here. You're really missing the point of therapy if you're holding things back. Therapists don't judge you, and they are there to help you. If you're attempting suicide, then something is wrong.

Have you told your therapist about your incident with the belt? Might be a good idea ..

make out kid

right then, i went through a stage of this, yeah you see the doctor, get the usual go see a therapist, get the anti-depressents, they work now and then.

but a lot of it will be to do with the hormones rushing through your body at the moment. the time bewteen 13 and 21 is when the hormone proudcing glands such as your tescticle and thyroid etc are in overdrive and a lot of the time they proudce a mix which alters your mind frame to lead to a clinical depression.

right what my therapist told me to do was never watch the news, it only takes 20 of the news to get you into a state of further depression, excerise, it releases endorphins and other 'happy chemicals' into your blood stream, what ever you do don't comfort eat, cos the come down after a sugar rush feels awful so make sure balanced diet is in place, if slef harrming due to depression dont do anything too drastic, take an ice cube and squeeze it as tight as you can, its hurts cos its freezing and doesnt leave any permeant damage.

and don't worry, everyone feels lonely for some perido of time, you just have to get through it, cos in my opinion i would not date a guy that was feeling lonely and quite sorry for himself and that though is one of the things that got me out of it all.

hope i've helped