leedme11

Hey everybody, I'm Emily, and I'm new here. Well first before I ask my question, I guess you should know a little about me. First off, I'm [going to be] in 10th grade. I'm not sure if I'm a lesbian or not. I've had a boyfriend before, but wasn't really happy with him, and I feel different in a good way around some girls. I go to a private Christian school, and my family is very Christian, but I'm not that hardcore about it. I haven't talked to anyone about me being lesbian yet, but I'm planning on talking to my best friend who is a girl some time this week.

So here's my question:
There's this girl in my class, and one of my friends told me she heard that she was a lesbian, but I'm not sure. We're not like really close but we joke around and talk in class. Well the other day was the last day of school and it was the last class and she was there. The bell rang and she ran up and gave me a huge hug. Girls have hugged me before, but something was different about this. It felt special, like more than just a hug. The only problem is, well nobody knows that I'm into girls, and I'm not really sure if she is either. I probably won't see her again until late august, so I have a lot of time to think about what I should do.

Should I tell her that I like her? Or should I ask her if she's lesbian? I just need advice on how to handle this. I mean I really would like to get to know her better, maybe even be in a relationship... I really don't know.
Thanks so much for any help!

Mike

Advice first: Don't go up and immediately ask if she's a lesbian. When people do that kind of stuff, there's usually a high suspicion that someone is bribing you to do so. You'll prolly get slapped or start a catfight.

It's not uncommon for straight people to hug members of the same sex. Straight guys hug me all the time .. and yes, they know I'm gay.

Now, my suggestion: Get to know her. Become good friends. Don't do anything stupid to make her dislike you, but don't be someone who you aren't. Keep your hormones under control and go slow. A steady friendship is much better than a random hookup. As you two get more comfortable with each other, she will eventually come out (or not).

Good luck

Adrastus

couldn't have said it better myself mike. Befriend her, get to know her, play it by ear.

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Billy44

Yea, what the last two guys said, before anything happens become friends with her in some way. If you have all summer that could be a good time

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Rhodanum

First thing's first -- *hugs* Welcome, my fellow admirer of Sappho! I was starting to think that I was the only lesbian around here (well, technically bisexual, but I've found that I tend to have a much more pronounced inclination towards women than men. XD).



Now, leaving all jesting aside, I can whole-heartedly understand what you are going through and plainly see where you are coming from (due to the fact that I've gone through a similar experience myself, the only difference being that this particular classmate was as heterosexual as they come, so I considered that keeping my emotions and desires to myself was the wisest move).

The fellows above are correct in their advice -- getting to know her better, as both a classmate and as a friend is the most diplomatic way of going about things, since it keeps you safe from potentially unpleasant reactions and it gives you the chance to gain a close friend (if it turns out that the rumors were simply just that -- unfounded tales).

Still, I would say that there must be some truth to them in the first place (since there never is smoke without a hidden fire), unless everything was simply started by someone out of spite, in order to discredit this girl (not something that would surprise me, seeing as you both attend a Catholic school, where, from what I know, proper appearances are held in high regard). It would have been a good move on your part if you had been attentive to her reactions towards these rumors during the school year, as such a thing could have given you a hint as to what her sexual orientation could be (i.e. - if she was dismissive/furious/ashamed/amused about the rumors etc).

Then there is your own wavering on the subject of sexual orientation - something entirely understandable during teenage years. At around your age I was just as confused (or even more so! XD) by my inclinations. Usually, such matters tend to sort themselves out in time, since, as we grow and gain experience, we also come to understand ourselves much better. For the moment, my suggestion is that you should refrain from asking too many questions of yourself and simply 'go with the flow' -- allow emotions and instincts to be your guides in this path of understanding, not rationality (something which I know from personal experience, since most of my teenage years were nothing short of a full-scale war between my heart and my head, still ruled by the perceptions of the heterosexual majority).

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Fear is not the natural state of civilized people.

-- Aung San Suu Kyi