Aw.J

Okay so I came out about one year ago (but still snuck around before that) but I had a real close friend, it was kinda like we were going out. and when I came out I told him a month later that I liked him. I'd never told him before I just thought it was assumed, he ended up telling me to f*uck off and go be a homo somewhere else. So all in all it took me 3 and 1/2 months to get over him, yeah right when I thought I was clear of him for good, he came up in my dreams and now I can't stop thinking about him, I can't wait to see him on the bus (even though we don't talk to each other, unless in a rude and obscene fashion) I don't want him in my mind but I can't seem to let go of him. I guess all in all I just want him back, I don't care how I just want him back in my life

jspoons1293

that's just one of those things your mind does to fuck with you when it's bored and can't think of anything better to dream of. it'll pass within a week or two.

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Womp.

Womp.

Aw.J

MySpace

This is more of an explanation

Aw.J

It's a long one and it orginated on myspace


yep yep

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: J♥???
Date: Jun 25, 2008 9:35 PM



A little it always sucks to lose ur bestie but I gained more and had a huge wait lifted off my shoulders, if I wouldn't have come out The CR3W (Javon, Ty, Shawn (my hopefully soon to be gf as soon as she breaks up with that sleaz bag] Rylee and I wouldn''t be as cool as we are our relationship grew stronger when I came out cuz we we're all a little family
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Lizz[MiniMiddleFinger]
Date: Jun 25, 2008 5:26 PM



yeah it must suck

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: J♥???
Date: Jun 25, 2008 9:19 PM


Yeah, it's funni though cuz out of the whole experience I've only lost Josh as a friend and really as much as I loved him, it's funny how I got mad respect from everyone else like everyone knows me and most people respect me soooo yeah I'm set

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Lizz[MiniMiddleFinger]
Date: Jun 25, 2008 5:13 PM



ahh... wow. Oleg..
ew. xD i fucking hate him with a burning passion + 12345123156456412.
[=
but wow. yeah.. sometimes its hard to take that path.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: J♥???
Date: Jun 25, 2008 9:12 PM


HAHA no but like seriously I had Oleg ask Josh sumthing and I heard him repeat it and he goes quote I don't wanna hear anything from that fucking homo, and I'm thinking how the hell did he know I asked it and then I though wait he just called me a fucking homo I'm sooooooo gonna kick his ass, but then this one tim pops up in my mind...

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Lizz[MiniMiddleFinger]
Date: Jun 25, 2008 5:08 PM



yeah.. sometimes its really obvious xD

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: J♥???
Date: Jun 25, 2008 9:07 PM


kay I'll see what I can do but as I told you he knows if I've got someone asking him a question

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Lizz[MiniMiddleFinger]
Date: Jun 25, 2008 5:05 PM



have somebody else do it at least

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: J♥???
Date: Jun 25, 2008 8:47 PM


But I can't he keeps going away when I get in a 8000 foot radius of him (exaggeration) but seriously I can't get close to him if my name is in it he doesn't want to hear it, I feel like the person I once knew is gone. I remember how good of friends we used to be I used all of my damn energy caring I forgot to keep my wall up and it's been 6 months and I'm still crying over it and it sucks like I don't even care about anything any more I wish I could go back in time and rip up the note and shokulda just left it he wouldn't haave known and all of this woulda been cool...but it's better that I told him cuz if sum one else woulda told him he I woulda been more hurt than now, he kept wondering why I was so supicioius all the time, I remember when I first told him and he treated like me crap I thought it was funny but I knew it was it when he almost choked me to death...I knew everything that was our friendship was thru, I still want to be friends but neither of us will forget that day January 16th. I wish I coulda just left it all alone

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Lizz[MiniMiddleFinger]
Date: Jun 25, 2008 4:37 PM



tell him.. go for it. it'll help you a lot!

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: ♦JAY♦
Date: Jun 25, 2008 4:35 PM


Me too, I wanna tell him sorry for kinda just telling him that all of a sudden no hint at all but...I don't know I feel like things are just gonna repEt it self and I'm gonna end up hurt again, I've tried before but he's been such an effing ignorant 3 y.o. no 2 y.o. and I just can't take it anymore I hate him but...It's like I'd rather be in a world where he yells at me and calls me a fucking bisexual freak...then to have a world without him, I've never felt like this for anyone and it's really scary to know that I could...love someone so much that I'd rather live in a world where they hate me than to love me...

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Lizz[MiniMiddleFinger]
Date: Jun 25, 2008 4:30 PM



it wasnt long[i read fast dont forget]
wow.
well, im sort of happy you came out, me not being the only one anymore.
(:
i hope things get better for you.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: ♦JAY♦
Date: Jun 25, 2008 4:27 PM


Like I'm on the bus about to give the note, In which I confessed, and then I tear it up, I walk off the bus and then I hear a song in the backround of my dream (weird no?) and I'm like walking to breakfast where me and him would hang out and he's doing the elbow thing where we bump into each other, and like the day passes on and I had to use the bathroom, he walks in and walks up rite behind me like his head is on my shoulder and he goes "Dude, I don't think we're ever gonna not be friends."and like hits me in the back and runs off I run after him but Mrs. Weaver comes down the hall (in the form of a giant ball HAHAAHa!) and then it skips to gym and I'm laying down and he's standing over me and he goes "So are we still working on the TSA project?" and I guess I said yeah (I'm mute in my dreams) and he goes okay and walks off it was a TSA day and it plays back to like 2 days before I came out and he pulled me in with his arm. So yeah when I woke up I almost cried (srry for it being so long)

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Lizz[MiniMiddleFinger]
Date: Jun 25, 2008 4:17 PM



well, i have time, so tell me(:

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: ♦JAY♦
Date: Jun 25, 2008 4:10 PM


IDK I want to forget him soooo much but I can't stop thinking about him I hate him so fucking much but...I can't forget him the weirdest thing about the dream was it was like what would've happened if I woulda never came out

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Lizz[MiniMiddleFinger]
Date: Jun 25, 2008 4:05 PM



i knew it.
are you going to be ohk?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: ♦JAY♦
Date: Jun 25, 2008 4:04 PM


Josh... .:'[

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Lizz[MiniMiddleFinger]
Date: Jun 25, 2008 4:00 PM



who???

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: ♦JAY♦
Date: Jun 25, 2008 3:57 PM


Send me a fucking hammer to knock my damn brains out he won't get out of my head

Mike

Yeah .. you can't link that. Not unless you plan on giving your myspace login and password

On a side note, I've been in that situation many times .. where you get close to someone and something goes sour and you just want to forget about them. It's taken me over 2 years to get over my ex .. and I'm still not over him yet. When you start to think about him, or miss him .. think about the things that he did that hurt you. It's a little painful to bring up those memories .. but you will feel better when you realize that he said or did things that hurt you. Oh .. and never .. EVER talk to him again.

Aw.J

i've tried and the message companion is Yeah if your just intrested in the General Chat Section

Aw.J

Yeah the guy I told you about, (If you read it) I just moved next door to him (Yeah that's great! XC ) So now I have to hear his shitty voice everyday! I of course can't get over him still but I swear when he's around I feel like killing him when I see him, and as soon as he turns around I want him to turn around and tell me something (I don't care what it is honestly) Things have been even more sour since I moved in, and his little sister loves my dog and my Wii so I have to see him just about every two days, so yesterday he walked in and sat down as usual, (My mom and grandma were at a doctors appointment.) So he goes go get me something to drink homo, I turned around and went get it yourself dumbass fucker and his little sister says that's a bad word, so I said sorry, he goes yeah homo, his little sister ask if I was gay, he goes yeah he's a fucking homo and he's going to hell, she goes she doesn't want me to got to hell cause I'm nice that pissed him off and before he walked away from my door he started crying and goes fuck you. Now I wanna know why the fuck he was crying (sorry for the cursing and long post.)

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I feel like we're friends again. So why have I put up this wall?

Mike

Uhhhhh .. why do you let his little sister come over?

Aw.J

Cuz my parents forced me cause they no nothing about the two of us, his sister is nice, his mom is nice (though she's not to leaniant on my being pansexual.) and she pays $5 per hour making me $30dollars a day adn $90 a week. So yeah when his mom forces him to go over just in case she gets hurt (like I don't have any Medical Experience with a diabetic mom and an accident prone 8 year old cousin) So yeah there ya go

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I feel like we're friends again. So why have I put up this wall?

tom6325

wow I have never got in a fight but I think I would wanna punch that guy lol

xxXXxx

Aw.J

I've fought him once, hell yeah I lost but I lost cause I couldn't do it, I didn't want to hurt him

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I feel like we're friends again. So why have I put up this wall?

exposure36

fight him again and then see how you feel.

Aw.J

Haha I'll see what I can do, but I'm pretty dormant until I'm like seriously prevoked

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I feel like we're friends again. So why have I put up this wall?

Johnny K

God, people like that truly anger me...

Aw.J

No one has yet to answer or attempt to answer the question of why he was crying

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I feel like we're friends again. So why have I put up this wall?